Gay 4 Jesus Blog

Username: ettie.v

Author Bio:

I am from South Africa and I am 37 years old.I came out to myself rather late in life and spent many years waiting for the Lord to "heal" me from being gay, but finally learnt that it was not what God was going to do and I needed to reconcile my faith with being gay. It has been a long journey, but the Lord has been faithful in helping me understand His love, compassion, grace, mercy and salvation - and that being gay does not disqualify me from experiencing any of these to the full!I have more than 13 years of inter-denominational ministry experience and have served the Lord in many countries like Russia, India, the USA, Ukraine, Belarus, Mongolia, Serbia, Kyrgyzstan, Philippines, Israel, among others.Coming out has gay has limited my current ministry involvement, but hope that I will get more and more involved with LGBTQ church involvement in the future.

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Coming out of the Closet and Coming Home

Author: ettie.v

15 May 2025

I used to believe I would never come out.I remember reading "God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines, sitting in the quiet of my room, heart pounding with every turn of the page. Near the end, he encourages those still in the closet to take the step and come out — to live openly and honestly. I remember shaking my head, almost bitterly thinking: “Buddy - you don’t know my life. There’s no way I can ever come out.” It felt like a closed door, sealed with fear and guarded by the unrelenting judgment of others.Now, two years into living out of the closet, I look back and realize it was the best decision I ever made.Let me be honest — coming out didn’t usher in a fairy tale. Some doors closed. Many friends walked away. The grief of that loss is real. But what came in their place was something unexpected and beautiful: new friendships built on truth, on acceptance, on love, that doesn’t flinch at honesty. I found people who embraced me for who I actually am — not for the masked version I’d carefully designed to survive in the Christian circles I lived and worked in.Coming out set me free in ways I never imagined. I’ve discovered parts of myself I had locked away for years. I’ve learned to love intimately and to be loved in return—not just romantically, but wholly, by a community of believers who reflect God’s embrace back at me. I see now that God wasn’t closing me off — He was calling me out. Not into shame, but into light. Not into isolation, but into belonging.But I want to be clear: coming out is not always easy. And for some the price is great! Coming out carries the weight of risk. The risk and fear of rejection by family and friends can be paralyzing. For many of us, especially those raised in conservative churches or homes, no place ever felt safe — not even our own childhood homes. I spent all of my teenage years and young adulthood wrestling with my sexuality in silence. I never dared to speak the truth, not even to my parents and best friends.That’s why we created All R Called. We want to be that safe space for others, that we never had. A place where you don’t have to pretend. Where your story is sacred, your journey honored, and your identity celebrated as part of God’s divine design. Here, being LGBTQ+ and Christian is not a contradiction. It’s a calling — a bold, beautiful way of glorifying Jesus with your whole self.If you’ve been hiding in the dark, carrying the weight alone, hear me: you are not alone. You don’t have to make a grand announcement or come out to your entire world tomorrow. Maybe your first step is as simple as sending us a message. Tell us your name. Tell us your story. Come out anonymously to a stranger who will hold your words gently. We’re here. And we’re listening.No one should ever be forced to come out. It is a sacred decision, one that deserves reverence and timing and safety. But if you feel the Spirit stirring something in you—curiosity, longing, maybe even courage — know that we’re ready to walk with you. Whether you’re still in the closet, halfway through the door, or stepping boldly into the light, we desire All R Called to be a place where you feel safe, valued, loved and cared for - a home among spiritual brothers and sisters.There’s space here for your questions, your doubts, your deepest hopes. And there’s a Savior who sees it all and loves you completely — not in spite of who you are, but because of it.You are called.You are loved.You are free.May you feel at home.

What It Really Means to Change When Christ Calls Us

Author: ettie.v

12 May 2025

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” — Matthew 4:19The Weight of That Phrase: “You Have to Change”When Christ calls us, we have to change. I believe that with my whole heart, but this statement does need context.Over the years, I’ve been told — sometimes gently, often not — that following Jesus means I must stop being gay. That my faith is only valid if I deny my sexual orientation, bury it under forced celibacy, or worse, attempt to become someone I’m not. The reasoning is always the same: “You can’t be gay and be a Christian. When following Christ, you have to change.”These words don’t just wound. They leave a trail of spiritual confusion, heartbreak, and rejection. I remember working in the church, doing ministry in countries around the world, desperately trying to fit into a mold that denied the fullness of who I am. I wasn’t less gay then than I am now. I was just more hidden. More afraid.What Change Actually Looks Like in ChristJesus keeps calling us.Not to a false version of ourselves. Not to erasure. But to transformation — the real kind. The kind that goes deeper than identity. The kind that touches the heart.Because yes, when Christ calls us, we have to change. We’re called to grow. To become more loving, more just, more honest. To bear fruit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23). We are called to surrender our selfishness, not our souls. To give up sin, not the truth of our God-given identities.When I came out as gay, many assumed it meant I turned my back on Jesus and stopped following Him. But in truth, it truly feels like it was Jesus who led me out of the closet. Out of shame. Into freedom and light.The change Jesus invites us into is not about conforming to cultural expectations — whether those of religious legalism or secular performance. It’s about becoming more like Him.And Jesus never asked anyone to pretend. He invited people to be real. To repent, not from their humanity, but from the ways they hurt themselves and others. To be healed, not from their identity, but from fear and pride and hate.When the woman caught in adultery was dragged to Jesus, he didn’t shame her. He defended her. He didn’t say her past didn’t matter — but he also didn’t reduce her to it. He loved her into a new future. “Neither do I condemn you,” he said. “Go and sin no more.” (John 8:11)There is a difference between being challenged and being erased. And too often, what people demand of LGBTQ+ Christians isn’t Christ-like change — it’s disappearance. They want us celibate, silent, or gone. But Christ never erased anyone. He called the marginalized, the excluded, the rejected. He said, “Follow me,” not “Fix yourself first.”So yes, when Christ calls us, we change.We grow in grace. In truth. In courage.We learn to love ourselves as He does. We begin to extend that same love to others.We learn that holiness is not heterosexuality. It’s wholeness. It’s the lifelong journey of becoming rooted in the love of God, shaped by Christ’s compassion, and empowered by the Spirit.I am still changing. I hope I always will be.But being gay isn’t the part of me Jesus came to fix. It’s through that very part of me — through my love, my longing, my relationships — that I have come to know Him some aspects of Him more deeply.If you are LGBTQ+ and Christian, you’re not alone. If people are telling you that Christ’s call means you must become someone else — you’re not crazy to question that. Jesus didn’t call you to be straight. He called you to be faithful.He called you to be loved. To love. To change — not who you are, but how you love. And that’s a holy change worth embracing.It is also worth reading these blog posts:<a href="https://www.gay4jesus.co.za/post/66f2f945fd8bd4ac95dcf6a8" target="_blank">Clobber Passages: 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy</a>  <a href="https://www.gay4jesus.co.za/post/6543bdb6e29cb1b956317c41" target="_blank">Celibacy</a> <a href="https://www.gay4jesus.co.za/post/67644044de799a30ae09687b" target="_blank">Understanding the Bible as an LGBTQ Christian</a>

Faith Beyond the Failures of Others

Author: ettie.v

6 May 2025

Serving God for Who He Is, Not Who People Say He IsRead Ps. 103:3-14“He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him.” — Psalm 103:10–11 (NIV)When the Church Leaves ScarsThere are moments when the Church—meant to be a refuge of grace—becomes the place where our deepest wounds are formed.Maybe it happened when someone questioned your salvation because you came out. Maybe it was the silence of friends when you needed their voice the most. Maybe it was the feeling of being unseen in a place that sings about the God who sees.Psalm 103 speaks to the heart of God, a heart that is often misrepresented by those who claim to follow Him:“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” (v. 8)What a contrast this is to the coldness, the harshness, and the judgment many of us have experienced. But here is the truth: God is not like people, even people in the Church.God’s Character Is Not Up for DebateIf your heart bears scars left by those who were supposed to show you Jesus, you are not alone.God knows your story. He knows the ache of betrayal, the sting of rejection. And still, He draws near with compassion. He binds wounds others have caused. He lifts up the weary with kindness, not condemnation.“He redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.” (v. 4)There is a holy invitation here: to disentangle your view of God from the actions of those who misrepresented Him. You are not serving a failed system or a flawed institution. You are serving the One who has never failed you.A Faith That EnduresThis doesn’t mean we overlook harm or stay silent in the face of injustice. But it does mean we choose, again and again, to fix our eyes on the One who is gracious, merciful, and faithful.We worship not because people are worthy, but because God is.“He knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.” (v. 14)He sees us—all of us. And He stays. Reflection QuestionsHave I allowed the failures of others to shape my view of who God is?What would it look like to worship God freely again—not for who others say He is, but for who He has revealed Himself to be?What scarred place in my heart needs to be healed by the compassion of God? A Prayer for the Wounded and WillingLord,I carry wounds not just from life but from Your people. Sometimes it feels safer to keep my distance, even from You. But I hear You calling—gently, patiently—reminding me of Your heart. Heal what others have hurt. Renew my view of You. Help me serve You not because others always reflect You well, but because You are good, and You are worthy.Amen. A Call to ActionTake one small step to reclaim your relationship with God—not because others deserve it, but because He does.Sing a worship song you love.Write a letter to God about your pain.Reach out to someone safe who reflects His love well.Whatever it looks like for you, let it be your offering. Not to those who failed you, but to the God who never will.

Is There a Place for Me in the Church? A Gay Christian’s Question

Author: ettie.v

30 April 2025

The Question That Lingers in Our HeartsI am still struggling with this question: Is there a place for me in the Church?Not just in His kingdom—though that is a question that I had to wrestle with too—but in the building down the street with the cross on the steeple, in the community that gathered every Sunday with raised hands and harmonies. In the Church, capital C. The one that says it follows Jesus. The one I was raised in. The one I truly love.When "All Are Welcome" Doesn’t Feel Like ItIt’s not a hypothetical question for many of us who are LGBTQ and Christian. It’s a real, heart-wrenching reckoning. Because while the Church has long declared that all are welcome, those words sometimes feel very hollow. They echo through stained glass windows but don’t always find their way into pews and pulpits.For a long time, I tried to silence this part of myself — the part that made people shift in their seats, the part that caused whispers behind closed doors. I thought if I prayed hard enough, fasted long enough, served faithfully enough, maybe God would “fix” me. Maybe then I could be like the rest of the Church and would finally truly feel like I belong. But after years and years of hoping, praying, fasting – and begging God, I realized that it was not God’s plan to “fix” me, certainly not in the way I hoped.A God Who Never Let GoI am gay and God is not going to change this – does this mean there is no place for me in His community – among His people?As I wrestled with this question and sought to hear the voice of Jesus, rather than the voice of fear, I realized something holy: I was never outside of God’s love to begin with. The problem wasn’t who I was—it was how people had misunderstood both me and the heart of God.Jesus never withheld belonging from the marginalized. In fact, He went out of His way to make room for them at the table. He chose fishermen and tax collectors, women and foreigners, lepers and sinners. The people no one else saw, He called them by name. And He still does.If You’re Still WonderingSo if you’re sitting with that question — Is there a place for me in the Church? — let me speak directly to your heart:Yes. There is a place for you.Not just a place in the shadows, serving quietly and never bringing your full self. Not just a seat at the table with strings attached. But a full, beautiful place—because you are made in God’s image, and the body of Christ is incomplete without you.There Is a Place for YouAnd if the church you’re in or attended says otherwise, that’s not the final word. God has more for you. There are communities—ours included—who affirm your worth, your faith, and your identity. Churches that won’t ask you to choose between Jesus and your identity. Spaces where love isn’t conditional. Where Scripture is read with eyes of grace. Where you don’t have to shrink or hide.You were never meant to walk this journey alone.There is a place for you in the Church. Not because you’ve earned it or hidden who you are, but because Jesus made a place for you. And He never uninvites the people He calls.You are seen. You are known. You are called.

Understanding the Bible as an LGBTQ Christian

Author: ettie.v

19 December 2024

Growing up, the Bible was presented to me as God’s Word—perfect, inerrant, and unchanging. But the way it was taught often led me to see it as a rule book, a list of dos and don’ts dictating my every step. It wasn’t until years later that my understanding began to shift.The Bible is not a rule book. Instead, it is the unfolding story of God’s mission and His salvation plan for the nations. It is an invitation into a covenant relationship with Him, calling us to participate in His mission wherever we find ourselves. This understanding opened my eyes to the richness and depth of Scripture—a narrative of love, mercy, and grace rather than a checklist of laws.Seeing the Bible as a WholeWhen we view the Bible as fragmented pieces or cherry-pick verses out of context, we risk distorting its true message. I’ve come to appreciate the importance of seeing Scripture as a unified story. This perspective deepens my gratitude for God’s love and grace, which have deepened my relationship with Him and allowed me to realize that  I have a part to play in His greater plan. Despite my imperfections, He invites me to join His mission.I believe in the authority and inspiration of Scripture, but I also recognize that it was written to different audiences in different cultural contexts. Understanding what God is saying to us today requires careful interpretation and meditation. This doesn’t diminish the Bible’s authority in my life; instead, it enriches my engagement with its truths. For those who assume that affirming Christians discard large portions of the Bible, I want to clarify: affirming theology does not equate to rejecting Scripture. Rather, it invites us to wrestle with its teachings in light of God’s overarching mission of love and redemption.From Rules to RelationshipFor many LGBTQ believers, the church has been a source of hurt, imposing unrealistic rules and expectations. When I see my gay and lesbian friends, I don’t think of rules to impose on them; I think of leading them into a deeper, loving relationship with Jesus. It’s heartbreaking to consider that for many, the very institution meant to embody Christ’s love has driven them away.In the New Testament, Jesus shifted the focus from the law to the Spirit, from rules to relationships. He didn’t disregard the law but fulfilled it, freeing us to live by the Spirit. His ministry exemplified love, compassion, and reaching out to society’s outcasts. Following Him means embodying these values—loving people, helping those in need, and standing with the marginalized. When we prioritize rules over people, we miss the heart of God.This doesn’t mean living without principles. The Bible provides guidelines that lead to a life glorifying God, but these principles are grounded in love and grace, not legalism. Affirming Christians are often misunderstood as abandoning biblical ethics. On the contrary, we strive to live holy lives guided by Scripture and the Spirit. Rules should serve society’s well-being, not perpetuate harm or exclusion.Interpreting ScriptureOne of the challenges in engaging with Scripture is the diversity of interpretations. Even among scholars and denominations, the same passage can yield opposing conclusions. This is particularly evident in discussions about LGBTQ issues, where affirming and non-affirming theologies both claim biblical grounding. Navigating these debates has been a journey of internal conflict for me, especially when facing opposition from loved ones.Proper interpretation is essential—understanding Scripture in its historical and cultural context while seeking the Spirit’s guidance. For example, ancient Israel’s laws were shaped by their societal needs, such as procreation and survival in harsh conditions. Today, our context is vastly different, and discerning which biblical commands are culturally specific requires prayerful consideration.Some principles can help guide this discernment: 1. Does it honor the Lord? 2. Does it love or harm my neighbor? 3. How does the Spirit lead me?While we may never have absolute certainty about some cultural aspects of Scripture, these questions help us align with God’s heart and mission.Foundational TruthsIn a world where “live your truth” has become a mantra, it’s crucial to anchor ourselves in the ultimate Truth—Jesus Christ. He is “the Way, the Truth, and the Life” (John 14:6). Our identity is found in Him, not in subjective interpretations of reality. The Bible, the cross, and the Gospel remain the bedrock of our faith. Salvation through Christ alone is non-negotiable, and the message of grace and redemption is central to our lives.Affirming theology doesn’t compromise these foundational truths. It calls us to live out the Gospel’s radical inclusivity—to embrace those who have been marginalized and invite them into a transformative relationship with Jesus. This is the heart of the Bible’s message: not rules, but relationship; not exclusion, but love; not condemnation, but grace.Moving ForwardThe journey to understanding the Bible is deeply personal and ongoing. It requires humility, openness, and a willingness to wrestle with difficult questions. My hope is that as we engage with Scripture, we do so with the heart of Christ—seeking to love God and our neighbors more fully. Let us move beyond a rules-based ethic to a Spirit-led life that reflects the beauty of the Gospel. Together, we can embody the hands and feet of Jesus, carrying forth His Kingdom in love and truth.<div> </div>

Dear Parents...

Author: ettie.v

14 December 2024

At the age of 34, after serving as a missionary for 16 years, I had a conversation with my parents that many dread—I came out as gay. I wrestled with fear, vulnerability, and the overwhelming question: Would they still love me?Coming out isn’t easy. For many LGBTQ individuals, the hardest people to tell are the ones they love most. It’s not because they doubt your love—it’s because they fear rejection. When I finally shared this part of myself with my mom, her reaction wasn’t what I’d hoped. She feared I was abandoning my faith and rejecting the Bible. Her words hurt, but I came to realize they stemmed from her own fears, not a lack of love.For parents, hearing that your child is LGBTQ can feel confusing, challenging, and even conflicting with deeply held beliefs. But it’s also a monumental step of trust and vulnerability for your child to share this with you. Whether they’re 16 or 36, this is likely one of the hardest things they’ve ever done.Let me share what your child needs most from you right now:1. They Need to Know They’re SafeThe world can be a cruel place for LGBTQ individuals. Many face rejection in churches, schools, and even from strangers. Your child needs to know that their home, and your love, will remain a refuge. Assure them that your love is unconditional, no matter what.2. They Need to BelongYour child isn’t asking for approval of every life decision; they’re asking for love and belonging. They want to know they’re still your child, no matter what.When my parents invited my boyfriend to dinner, it was an act of love. They didn’t fully understand or approve, but they showed me that I still belonged in their lives. You don’t have to agree on everything, but being present and making room for them shows that your love is greater than your differences.3. They Need You to Trust God with ThemAs Christian parents, it can feel overwhelming to reconcile your faith with your child’s identity. But your child’s relationship with God is theirs to navigate. Trust that the same Jesus who guides you will also guide them.I’ve spent years studying theology, but I am often reminded of something simple: Christianity is not about rules, debates, or theology. It’s about relationship. Jesus loves us deeply and unconditionally. Trust that same Jesus to walk with your child and guide them, just as He has guided you.4. They Need You to Love Like JesusThe Bible is a love story, not a weapon. Jesus modeled this love perfectly—He welcomed outcasts, touched the untouchable, and embraced those whom society rejected. He condemned no one except the hypocrites.If you’re worried about your child’s salvation, remember: Salvation is a gift of grace, not based on works or identity. We are all saved by faith in Christ. Paul teaches that we are saved through faith in Christ (Ephesians 2:8-9). Love your child, pray for them, and trust God to work in their life.Will My Child Go to Hell?This is the question many parents grapple with when their child comes out as LGBTQ. It’s a question rooted in fear—fear for your child’s eternal destiny, fear of what others might think, and fear of reconciling your faith with this unexpected reality.But let’s take a step back. Let’s look at the truth of what the Bible says about salvation, grace, and love.Faith, Not Works, Saves UsFor most LGBTQ Christians, coming out doesn’t mean abandoning their faith. Often, it’s the opposite. They hold tightly to their belief in God but find themselves stepping away from the Church—not because they’ve lost faith, but because the Church doesn’t feel safe. Imagine being treated as a second-class citizen or enduring veiled homophobic comments from the very people who are supposed to reflect God’s love. This pain drives many away, not from God, but from the places that are supposed to represent Him.Here’s the good news: Salvation isn’t about where we go on Sunday mornings or about following a list of rules. It’s about faith in Jesus Christ. Over and over, Scripture reminds us that we are saved by grace through faith, not by works (Ephesians 2:8-9).Paul’s letters emphasize this truth again and again. In his letter to the Galatians, Paul rebukes those who cling to the law as a means of salvation, calling them “bewitched” (Galatians 3:1). Christ fulfilled the law completely—there’s nothing left to accomplish. To say that LGBTQ individuals are condemned simply for their identity is to deny the very grace that Jesus died to offer.C.S. Lewis said, “He died not for me, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less.” Jesus’ sacrifice was for everyone, including your child.When we understand this, it becomes clear that blanket statements like “all gay people go to hell” are not only cruel but also biblically inaccurate. Love, not condemnation, is the fulfillment of the law (Romans 13:10).The Inclusive Love of JesusJesus consistently reached out to those marginalized by society. He loved without judgment and welcomed those others rejected. His love transcends boundaries, fear, and human-made divisions.If Jesus were here today, would He join in the rejection and condemnation of LGBTQ individuals? Based on His life and ministry, the answer is a resounding no.Encourage Their Relationship with ChristIt’s important to understand this: No one is saved by their actions, their church attendance, or their ability to “get it right.” We are all saved by grace through faith in Jesus. This is true for you, for me, and for your child.Encourage your child to cultivate a personal relationship with Christ. Encourage them to pray, to listen to the Holy Spirit, and to seek God’s will for their lives. Righteousness doesn’t come from following the law; it comes from believing in Him.The stronger your child’s relationship with Christ, the stronger their faith will be. And just as God is working in your life, trust that He is working in theirs too.None of Us Are PerfectPaul reminds us in Romans 3:23 that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” No one—no pastor, parent, or theologian—is without sin. We all depend on Jesus for salvation.Your child is no different. Their identity or relationships don’t make them any less loved or less worthy of grace than anyone else. We will all get things wrong in this life, but that doesn’t mean we’re condemned forever. Jesus is our hope, our deliverance, and our salvation.What Really MattersAt the core of our faith is this truth: Jesus is God incarnate. He died, was buried, and rose again. Salvation comes through Him alone. Other theological debates—like infant baptism, speaking in tongues, or even same-sex relationships—are secondary. They’re not salvation issues.For years, I’ve worked across denominational lines with believers who held different views than mine. Despite our differences, we worked together to further Christ’s kingdom because our foundational beliefs were the same.What does the Bible really say about being gay?Check out the following blogposts that deal with the scriptures the Church often use to "clobber" LGBTQ Christians.<a href="https://www.gay4jesus.co.za/post/66f2f945fd8bd4ac95dcf6a8" target="_blank">Clobber Passages - 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy</a><a href="https://www.gay4jesus.co.za/post/6592979dd9c54087f903fede" target="_blank">Clobber Passages - Romans 1</a><a href="https://www.gay4jesus.co.za/post/65929717d9c54087f903fed4" target="_blank">Clobber Passages - Sodom and Gomorrah</a><a href="https://www.gay4jesus.co.za/post/65575f2a22f21b7d92f38296" target="_blank">Clobber Passages - The Law (Leviticus)</a>A Final WordI won’t pretend it’s easy. It’s not easy for you as a parent, just as it wasn’t easy for me to tell my parents. But the pain, fear, and confusion you feel now will never outweigh the importance of your love for your child. They don’t need lectures or debates—they need your hugs, your encouragement, and your support.Sexual attraction isn’t a choice. If it were, do you think your child would choose a life filled with uphill battles and rejection? Many LGBTQ individuals have considered or attempted suicide, especially in Christian communities where they feel like second-class citizens. This is a heartbreaking reality, but you have the power to change that narrative—for your child and others.Micah 6:8 reminds us: “What does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” This is the call for all of us, as parents, Christians, and humans.Parents, love your child fiercely. Be their safe place, their constant. Let them know they are seen, valued, and wholly loved—not despite who they are, but because of who they are.So, will your child go to hell? The answer isn’t found in fear or condemnation but in the promise of grace.Your child is navigating a world that can be harsh and unforgiving. What they need from you is unconditional love, a sense of belonging, and the assurance that nothing—nothing—can separate them from your love or God’s (Romans 8:38-39).Leave the judging to Christ. Love your child, encourage their relationship with God, and rest in the truth that His grace is sufficient for all of us.With love and hope,…<div> </div>

Lessons from a Journey of Self-Acceptance: My Story of Embracing Authenticity and Faith

Author: ettie.v

6 November 2024

For most of my life, I knew something about myself was different, but admitting it—especially out loud—was another journey entirely. Two years ago, I came out to myself as gay, and about a year later, I shared this truth with my family and friends. It was the kind of revelation that changed everything and nothing at the same time. I’d always known deep down, but I spent years hoping, even praying, that I could somehow change or hide this part of myself. I hoped that one day God might make me “normal,” so I could marry a woman, have a family, and somehow, in the process, escape the ache of loneliness that sat heavy in my heart.Accepting that I am gay was a turning point. I came to realize that my sexuality is an intrinsic part of who I am—a person designed by God with intentionality. With that understanding, I knew I had to stop ignoring this aspect of myself and start embracing it with honesty. However, this self-acceptance wasn’t straightforward or easy; it came with challenges, grief, and a lot of unlearning. At the time, I was also serving in full-time ministry and struggling with emotional burnout.I sought out every resource I could find. I read books from a wide range of perspectives: Side Y, Side B, Side A—books by Christopher Yuan, Wesley Hill, Karen Keen, Justin Lee, Matthew Vines, and others. I listened to teachings and podcasts, joined online communities, and connected with people who shared my faith and were also wrestling with their sexuality. Meeting other Christians who were also gay was eye-opening. For the first time, I realized I wasn’t alone; there were countless others asking the same questions, struggling through similar experiences, and searching for answers.The Toll of Purity Culture and the Question of CelibacyOne of the deepest struggles I faced was reconciling my faith with purity culture and the idea that celibacy was my only option as a gay Christian. For so long, I was convinced that “mandatory celibacy” was the path I was expected to walk. Yet, over time, I came to see the immense weight of this expectation and the personal toll it had taken on me.In my pursuit of purity, I found myself in a dark place—emotionally depleted, spiritually burnt out, and sometimes feeling as though life had lost its meaning. Celibacy, as I understood it then, felt like a sentence to lifelong isolation and loneliness. When I took a step back to see the bigger picture, I realized there were millions of Christians like me, all wrestling with similar questions. How could mandatory celibacy be God’s plan for every single one of us?As I reflected on Jesus and Paul’s teachings, I noticed that neither suggested celibacy was meant for everyone. Paul speaks about celibacy as a gift, but also acknowledges it’s not something everyone can or should pursue. Accepting this truth gave me a new perspective. It was freeing to understand that mandatory celibacy was not necessarily a one-size-fits-all answer, and I wasn’t bound to it simply because of my orientation.The Journey from Traditional Views to AffirmationShifting from a traditional view of marriage to an affirming one was neither fast nor easy. Since childhood, I’d been taught to see marriage as solely between a man and a woman, and those beliefs were deeply ingrained. I wrestled, dug deep, and questioned everything I thought I knew, spending nearly eighteen months on this intense journey. I devoured books, teachings, and resources to find out if Scripture truly condemned me for being gay or for seeking a loving, committed relationship with another man.There was no single “aha” moment where everything fell into place; it was a gradual process. Each step brought me closer to understanding that God’s love for me was unchanged, that there was room for me to live authentically and still honor my faith. It was difficult to let go of long-held beliefs, but as I came to terms with these new understandings, the sense of freedom was profound.Navigating Church, Identity, and the Struggle for BelongingGrowing up in a conservative church and later attending a Pentecostal Bible college shaped my perspective on faith and life. I dedicated myself to missions work and ministry training, traveling to amazing places, like Russia, India, the USA, Mongolia and many others, to be part of building God’s Kingdom. Yet, as I accepted my sexuality, I found myself at odds with the same purity culture and teachings that had once provided me direction.At one point, I considered marriage to a woman as a solution, but I’m grateful I didn’t go through with it. I realized that no relationship would be fulfilling if I couldn’t show up fully as myself. Purity culture’s emphasis on things like saving your first kiss for marriage once felt like a rule I could follow easily—simply because I had no interest in that intimacy with a woman. But looking back, I see how this framework pressured me to conform to an ideal that was never meant for me.After returning to South Africa, I longed to find an affirming church community. While some churches advertised themselves as inclusive, many lacked the theological depth I sought. Ultimately, I joined a church that was not affirming but claimed to welcome everyone. So far, I’ve felt somewhat at home, though I still hold my breath to see if their welcome extends to LGBTQ+ individuals like myself. Only a few people there know I am gay, and I remain cautious about revealing more. I know firsthand that not all churches that claim to be inclusive fully live up to that promise.Embracing Authenticity: The Gift of Living as MyselfLooking back on the years I spent pretending to be something I wasn’t—identifying as a cisgender heterosexual man—I now see how it drained me emotionally and spiritually. Denying my identity to “fit in” within the church world led to intense loneliness and burnout. Imagine the impact if we lived in a world where people were accepted for who they are without the pressure to conform. If people felt free to be their true selves without fear of rejection, I believe we would see a church filled with deeper compassion, love, and authenticity.I am currently in a relationship with a man who shares my faith, and the joy of having someone to walk alongside has been such a gift. We love Jesus, enjoy each other’s company, and are excited about where this journey will take us.The Harm of Denial and the Importance of CommunityFor so long, I believed that being gay wasn’t the issue; “acting on it” was. I thought that “practicing homosexuality” was sinful, as though it were something I could just switch off. But in reality, being gay isn’t an activity—it’s part of who I am. The notion of denying that part of myself became absurd. Denial didn’t make me less gay, and in fact, it only deepened the internal conflict I carried.Pursuing celibacy, in my case, felt like a slow erosion of my soul. I tried to live out a calling I wasn’t meant to follow, and it nearly broke me. Connecting with the Side B community—people who value celibacy as a calling while acknowledging the difficulty it brings—provided comfort for a time. But ultimately, I had to acknowledge my desire for companionship, for a partner to share life with. I related deeply to Adam’s longing for a suitable partner. Denying that desire led to anguish, not spiritual growth.Moving Forward with Hope and Self-CompassionIn sharing this journey, I hope to offer a glimmer of hope to others who feel they’re walking a lonely path. Whether you’re struggling with acceptance, navigating faith and sexuality, or simply yearning for a sense of belonging, know that you’re not alone. God sees you fully, as you are, and loves you wholly.Life, faith, and identity are often complex and challenging. But I’m learning that living authentically, with courage and self-compassion, opens the door to deeper faith and joy. Embracing who I am has been a healing process, one that’s allowed me to rebuild my life on a foundation of truth and acceptance. As I move forward, I hold onto hope, trusting that my journey—flawed, complicated, and real—will continue to unfold with purpose and grace.To anyone else on this path, I hope my story encourages you to keep going. Authenticity is not just liberating; it’s life-giving. Seek out people and places that affirm your worth. Build your life in a way that honors the truth of who you are. You are worthy of love, belonging, and the freedom to be fully you.<div> </div>

Embracing Christian Same-Sex Marriages: Love, Equality, and Inclusion in the Church

Author: ettie.v

6 November 2024

In today’s Church (global Christian community), many churches still struggle with the idea of affirming same-sex marriages. While societal views on LGBTQ issues have progressed significantly, many LGBTQ believers continue to feel excluded and judged within their own churches and their church is often not a save place for them to come out and be themselves. Yet, I believe we are called us to love, uplift, and embrace all individuals seeking to honor God through their relationships. This is especially true for same-sex couples whose commitment to faith and to each other mirrors the foundational principles of marriage as set forth in Scripture.There are many common misconceptions around same-sex marriage in the church. At the heart of the discussion around same-sex marriage should be the belief that Christ’s love knows no bounds. As the church grows in understanding, we should journey toward a faith community that embodies this love and embraces all believers, regardless of their sexual orientation.Dispelling Stereotypes: LGBTQ and Christian CommitmentUnfortunately, stereotypes continue to cloud the church’s perspective on the LGBTQ community. Many Christians wrongly associate LGBTQ identities with promiscuity or morally questionable behavior, without acknowledging that these issues are prevalent in the secular heterosexual world as well. In reality, LGBTQ Christians who seek marriage in the church are not asking for a free pass to “sin” or for the church to lower its standards. Instead, they desire to honor God by committing to a life of mutual love, respect, and service.For those who seek same-sex marriage, the aim, most often, is not to embrace secular practices but to create a faithful, covenantal union that brings glory to God. By framing LGBTQ relationships within the context of God’s love, we move away from stereotypes and toward a deeper, more meaningful understanding of marriage and faith.The Call for Equality: Galatians 3:27-28 and the End of DistinctionsIn Galatians 3:27-28, we read that “there is no longer Jew or Greek, slave or free, male and female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” This passage speaks to the essence of the Gospel message: through Christ, our worldly distinctions—nationality, social status, and even gender—are transcended. We are equal in the eyes of God.The Gospel has moved the church to recognize freedom for all, rejecting forms of prejudice and division that once permeated society. Just as we no longer condone slavery or view people from different nations as “outsiders,” the call is to see beyond traditional boundaries and embrace a broader view of love and partnership. Male and female are no longer roles defined by societal expectations or hierarchy but are seen as equal contributors to a partnership rooted in God’s love. In this spirit, Christian same-sex couples seeking marriage are not challenging biblical authority; they are embracing the Gospel’s call to live in equality and mutual love.Understanding Biblical Marriage: Partnership Over HierarchyA common argument against same-sex marriage is rooted in the idea of gender hierarchy—that in a biblical marriage, a man should lead, and a woman should submit. But when we look deeper into Scripture, we see that God created man and woman in His image, equal and without hierarchy. This ideal was distorted after the fall, but through Christ, that equality has been restored. A true biblical marriage is one where both partners submit to each other in love, humility, and service, just as Christ served us.Ephesians 5:21 calls all believers to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This mutual submission is the foundation of a Christian marriage. If the goal is to create a relationship built on mutual respect, commitment, and sacrificial love, there is no basis for excluding same-sex couples who share this commitment. Their partnership mirrors the call to “become one flesh”—a deep, kinship bond marked by companionship, shared experiences, and spiritual unity.Redefining “One Flesh” Beyond Gender RolesScripture describes marriage as the union where “the two become one flesh.” While this phrase has often been interpreted as the sexual and kinship bond between a man and a woman, it encompasses far more than gender roles or physical intimacy. “One flesh” is a call to deep, personal union, to the intertwining of lives, hearts, and purposes in a shared journey toward God.When we think of marriage as kinship, we see a bond that goes beyond physical union to emotional and spiritual unity. It’s a relationship where two people are closest companions, supporting and helping one another, sharing life’s burdens, and striving to reflect Christ’s love. Seen this way, marriage is about deep commitment, faithfulness, and mutual service—all values that LGBTQ Christians uphold in their own relationships. If we understand marriage in this light, it becomes clear that same-sex couples are capable of entering into this holy and sacred bond.The Procreation Debate: Companionship Over ObligationAnother common objection to same-sex marriage in the church is the argument that marriage should be for the purpose of procreation. However, marriage’s purpose extends beyond bearing children. In Genesis, God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone, so He created a partner. The essence of marriage is companionship—finding a partner to share life with, love deeply, and grow spiritually together.Many heterosexual couples, by choice or by circumstance, do not have children. This does not diminish the value or validity of their marriage. Procreation is a blessing but not a requirement for a God-honoring marriage. LGBTQ couples in long-term, committed relationships bring joy, stability, and companionship to each other’s lives, living out the true purpose of marriage as a reflection of God’s loving relationship with His people.Embracing Covenant and Commitment Over Casual RelationshipsOne of the greatest gifts that the church can offer LGBTQ believers is encouragement to pursue covenant relationships. The goal of Christian marriage is a lifelong partnership where both individuals honor and serve one another in love. This stands in stark contrast to the “hook-up” culture that pervades modern society. LGBTQ Christians who wish to marry are not seeking temporary, superficial connections. They desire a relationship built on commitment, love, and a shared life of worship and devotion to God.By encouraging LGBTQ believers to enter into lifelong, monogamous partnerships, the church reinforces the sanctity of marriage and provides a healthy model of Christian love and faithfulness.A Call to Compassion and InclusionIf we can help others understand that same-sex marriages uphold the same values as any biblical marriage, there is little ground for exclusion. Love, commitment, mutual support, and faithfulness are at the heart of Christian marriage, regardless of gender. As followers of Christ, we are called to embrace these couples with the same compassion, respect, and grace that we show to all believers.For too long, LGBTQ Christians have felt marginalized and judged by their faith communities. Yet, if the church truly seeks to embody the love of Christ, it must open its doors and its hearts to all who come to worship and serve. This is not about compromising biblical values; it’s about expanding our understanding of God’s love and the Gospel’s radical inclusivity.By affirming same-sex marriages, we take a step toward a church that reflects God’s all-encompassing love. We embrace a future where every believer—regardless of orientation—is welcomed, valued, and given the space to grow in their faith and relationships. Let us, as the body of Christ, move forward in love, embracing all believers as brothers and sisters, united in the pursuit of a life that honors God.In doing so, we become a church that doesn’t just follow Christ in word but in spirit and truth. We become a community that reflects His love, tearing down walls and building bridges of acceptance, understanding, and grace. Together, let us journey toward a church where all are truly welcome, where love triumphs over fear, and where every believer can find a place to belong.<div> </div>

Clobber Passages – 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy

Author: ettie.v

24 September 2024

1 Cor. 6:9 and 1 Tim 1:10 is often used to prove that the Bible speaks against being gay. People often use these scriptures to say: “The Bible ‘clearly’ condemns homosexuality.”To start off, it is important to note that a 100 years ago, the words “homosexual” or “homosexuality” had never before been found in the Bible. For 1900 years the Bible was translated in a specific way – then suddenly a change in translation came that had a great effect on millions of people’s lives. It was only in 1946 that the first Bible translation appeared with reference to homosexuality and with that condemning the homosexuals. Take note - it was only from 1946 that people could say that the Bible “clearly” condemns homosexuality.This was because of how two Greek words, “malakoi” and “arsenokoites” were translated to English.“malakoi”There are cases where malakoi is translated as “sodomite”, “male prostitute” or “homosexual” – in these cases it is a clear that the original meaning of the word was ignored or mistranslated. Scholars agree that the meaning of malakoi is “soft” or “effeminate”, referring to weak, vulnerable, fearful or lazy. In other ancient texts malakoi refers to cowards or those are living easy lives and cannot endure the hardships of hard labor. It is a negative female characteristic, with which the positive male characteristic is contrasted.To translate malakoi as “homosexual sex” or even “male prostitute” is an attempt by the translators to condemn gay and lesbian individuals. When it comes to what the word “effeminate” could mean in this context, the list is endless, but when translators choose to alienate and condemn one category of people – homosexuals – they are clearly driven by a heterosexist ideology.The intent of scripture is not to hurt, oppress or destroy people – when this is the outcome of scripture, we need to re-evaluate our interpretation. The Church’s stance on homosexuality has led to depression, oppression, loneliness, hatred, violence, and the suicide of millions of people. The Roman view of an effeminate person would be somewhat different than our understanding today. In the Roman worldview an effeminate person would be someone who couldn’t handle sickness well, being afraid to die, expressing pain and grief, surrendering to an enemy, softness and idleness. Acting, singing and dancing were seen as effeminate. Masculinity was seen in having control over your desires, power, courage, bravery, working hard and endurance.Men who were controlled by lust and had sex with too many women were seen as effeminate. Men could penetrate other men to display their dominance over them and they would not be seen as effeminate. Being effeminate had nothing to do with homosexuality – which means that translating “molokoi” as “homosexuality” or “practicing homosexuality” would be inaccurate and a bad translation choice.My big take away here, when I read 1 Cor. 6:9, is not to allow myself to feel condemned over my sexuality and being gay (because of bad translation) – but rather not be spineless and cowardly. I want to be bold and courageous. I want to fight for what is right. I want to make an impact in this world – make a difference in the lives of millions of LGBTQ+ community members who have been rejected and hurt by the Church. I do not want to just go along with the flow. I do not want to sit in comfort, while others are suffering and being condemned and abused to the point where they feel like suicide is the only option.“arsenokoites”In recent years, it has been assumed by some scholars that arsenokoites comes from “arsen” = “men” and “koites” = “bed” and can automatically be assumes to mean that Paul is referring to “men who sleep together” = homosexual sex. This is not linguistically correct and this would be a huge assumption, that has a huge effect on millions of gay Christians’ lives. Interpreting the word in this way has no supportive evidence.The only way to truly analyze the true meaning of a word is by inspecting its use in other contexts and the word arsenokoites is a word that is found in very few other ancient Greek resources.The only other texts where arsenokoites is used is in lists of sins and makes it very difficult to derive meaning from these contexts. However, there is a tendency by writers to list the sins together that fit together. It is impossible not to note that more often than not, arsenokoites is not mentioned among sexual sins, as would be expected if the word was referring to homosexual sex, but rather mentioned among sins of economic injustice or exploitation.Taking this into context it would seem possible the meaning of the word would relate closer to “economic exploitation through the means of sex” but not specifically homosexual sex.It is not possible to come to a 100% conclusion that arsenokoites does not refer to homosexual sex, but there is also no way to prove that it does. To simply assume that this word does mean “homosexual sex” would be a big assumption to make that would have a profound implication on the lives of millions of gay Christians.ConclusionBridget Eileen Rivera in her book Heavy Burdens says the following: “I’d like to point out a more salient fact: the above debate is just that—a debate. There’s nothing “clear” about it. In order to answer the questions raised, you’d have to know Greek and Hebrew—or find someone who does. Even then, scholars disagree on the correct interpretation given the historical context of the period, particularly considering the Roman gender hierarchy and the importance of sexual dominance. Ultimately, the only thing that ends up being “clear” is that it’s a complicated conversation from start to finish, regardless of the conclusions we ultimately reach.”And David Gushee is his book Changing our Minds writes:“How might the history of Christian treatment of gays and lesbians have been different if arsenokoitai had been translated ‘sex traffickers’ or ‘sexual exploiters’ or ‘rapists’ or ‘sexual predators’ or ‘pimps’? Such translations are plausible, even if not the majority scholarly reconstruction at this time. And they are at least as adequate, or inadequate, as ‘homosexuals’”“Most of the translations read as if every “homosexual person” was being condemned—to eternal fire. This overly confident translation decision then shadowed the lives of all LGBTQ people, most sadly gay and lesbian adolescents rejected by their mothers and fathers (and pastors and youth ministers) as hell-bound perverts.   Scholarly uncertainty about the meaning and translation of these two Greek words, together with profound cultural and linguistic differences, undermines claims to the conclusiveness of malakoi and arsenokoitai for resolving the LGBTQ issue. I deeply lament the damage done by certain questionable and sometimes crudely derogatory Bible translations in the lives of vulnerable people made in God's image”The truth is that no one can with certainty say what Paul was referring to by using these words and the context also gives no exact indication. Rather, the New Testament message is that we are no longer under the law of the letter, but under the law of the Spirit and the laws that he refers to, that “still apply to Christians today”, are all laws that my (and any the believer’s) Spirit objects to, since they are in direct conflict with the fruit of the Spirit and not driven by love.<div> </div>

Clobber Passages - Romans 1

Author: ettie.v

1 January 2024

Romans 1 is probably the biblical passage that poses the most difficulty for gay Christians when it comes to same-sex relationships. The Church has used this passage to judge and guilt many gay Christians into lives of mandatory celibacy and even caused many to abandon Christianity completely.<o:p></o:p>Romans 1:26-27 says: “For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.” (NKJV)<o:p></o:p>As we think through the context, interpretation, and application of Romans 1:26-27, I will draw a lot of quotes from 2 books, namely “Changing our Mind”, by David P. Gushee and “God and the gay Christian” by Matthew Vines.<o:p></o:p>Although this above passage seems to speak against same-sex intercourse, looking at the context is very important to understand what this passage communicates. From the start, as we talk about context, it is important to note that this passage is not an exposition of what sexual sin or immorality is, but rather Paul is addressing the tragedy of idolatry and the nations of the world’s inability to recognize God and Paul references the consequences of idolatry.<o:p></o:p><span style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;">In his book, “Changing our Mind”, David Gushee confirms that as he writes: “Scholars historically have agreed that Paul’s purpose in Romans 1-3 is to paint a theological picture of the world, leading to the conclusion that every human being desperately needs the salvation offered by God through Jesus Christ.<span style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;">”<o:p></o:p>Sexual orientation is not a choice that a person makes. I never chose to be gay – rather I tried my very best to not be gay, to date girls and be as straight as possible. If I could choose, I most certainly would not choose to be gay. Again, this seems to be very different from the context that Paul is writing about. In the words of Matthew Vines:<o:p></o:p>“Paul’s words indicate not only that the people he described exchanged opposite-sex for same-sex relations, but also that they were capable of heterosexual attraction. This understanding would match the expectations of ancient societies, and it would also fit with the rest of the Romans passage.” (God and the gay Christian, pp. 102-103) “Remember, the most common forms of same-sex behavior in the Greco-Roman world were pederasty, prostitution, and sex between masters and their slaves. The majority of men who indulged in those practices also engaged in heterosexual behavior, often during the same times in their lives.” (God and the gay Christian, p. 104) “The context in which Paul discussed same-sex relations differs so much from our own that it can’t reasonably be called the same issue.” (God and the gay Christian, p. 106)<o:p></o:p>Gushee agrees by writing:<o:p></o:p>“By using the language of “exchanging” or giving up “natural” for “unnatural” intercourse, Paul may be saying that he thinks those engaging in same-sex intercourse were capable of “normal,” natural heterosexual relations but perversely chose same-sex. But, at the hermeneutical level, we now know that a small sexual minority is not at all capable of heterosexual attraction or relations. It does not seem that they can be fairly described as exchanging or giving up natural for unnatural sex. This raises reasonable questions about the fairness of applying this description to that part of the human community today.”<o:p></o:p><o:p> </o:p>Gushee also adds:<o:p></o:p>“Harvard classics scholar Sarah Ruden, in her bracing book Paul Among the People, sharpens the cultural issue considerably. She describes widespread and quite vile Greco-Roman cultural practices authorizing often violent anal rape of powerless young men, especially slaves, but really anybody of lower social status. This practice was cruelly accompanied by moral condemnation of the victims rather than the victimizers, the latter of which were often celebrated for their virility. Ruden is convinced that this is what Paul had in mind when he thought about same-sex interest and activity, and this is why he links it to other vices of excess and debauchery in Romans 1.”<o:p></o:p>Matthew Vines continues:<o:p></o:p>“From the church’s early centuries through the nineteenth century, commentators consistently identified the moral problem in Romans 1:26–27 as “unbridled passions,” not the expression of a same-sex orientation. Furthermore, no biblical interpreter prior to the twentieth century even hinted that Paul’s statements were intended to consign a whole group of people to lifelong celibacy.” (God and the gay Christian, p. 116)<o:p></o:p>The common understanding of same-sex relationships and same-sex intercourse in the time that Paul wrote these passages were much different than today. In Rom 1:26-27, Paul describes a sexual situation that is purely lustful, and not loving, monogamous or committed, which we find in many same-sex relationships and marriages today. W. Loader in his argument, in the book “Two Views on Homosexuality, the Bible, and the Church”, for adopting an affirming view on same-sex relationships writes:<o:p></o:p>“…we need to acknowledge that Paul’s understanding about the nature of human sexuality was limited, we cannot simply apply his judgments to the situations where people are genuinely gay.” (p.45) “It is not disrespectful of writers of Scripture and, in particular, of Paul, to suggest that their understanding of human reality needs to be supplemented.” (p. 47) “If we accept the need for a revised understanding of human sexuality, then it is hard to justify imposing laws which were grounded on the understanding of human sexuality which we acknowledge needed supplementing.” (p. 48)<o:p></o:p>David Gushee adds: <o:p></o:p>“This would not be the only subject on which the contemporary application of Paul’s statements has been reevaluated in this way, leading to the setting aside of his implied or explicit directives (head-coverings, hair length, women keeping silent in church, instructions to slaves to obey their masters).<span style="background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;">”<o:p></o:p>It is very ironic that the Church has often used this passage (Rom. 1:26-27) to attack and condemn gay Christians (and often asked them to leave or even hatefully chased them away) and they fail to read just a few verses further:<o:p></o:p> “You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things.” (Rom. 2:1, NLT)<o:p></o:p>

Clobber Passages - Sodom and Gomorrah

Author: ettie.v

1 January 2024

A passage that is often used to attack gay Christians regarding same-sex relationships is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. When we take various other scripture passages that speak about Sodom and Gomorrah and the parallel story in Judges 20 into account, then it quickly becomes clear that this passage has nothing to do with condemning loving same-sex relationships.<o:p></o:p>I will again refer to others’ writings who have studied this topic much further and deeper that I have.<o:p></o:p>David P. Gushee writes in his book, “Changing our minds”:<o:p></o:p>“…few serious biblical interpreters think this story is about “homosexuality.” It has certainly receded in the traditionalist argument. The parallel story in Judges 20:5 makes absolutely clear that it was violence the men wanted, including sexual violence, and violence they inflicted.”<o:p></o:p>“When cited within the rest of Scripture, even the names of these towns became a byword for total human evil and devastating divine judgment. But never once in these intra-biblical references to Sodom is their evil described as same-sex interest or behavior.”<o:p></o:p>“Genesis 19 and Judges 19 are narratives with huge implications for the ethics of war, prison, gender, violence and rape. But they have nothing to do with the morality of loving, covenantal, same-sex relationships, just as they have nothing to do with the morality of loving, covenantal, opposite-sex relationships.”<o:p></o:p>Matthew Vines echoes this same idea in his book, “God and the gay Christian”:<o:p></o:p>“Sexuality goes unmentioned, both in the Ezekiel passage and in every other Old Testament reference to Sodom following Genesis 19. If Sodom’s sin had indeed been same-sex behavior, it’s highly unlikely that every written discussion of the city for centuries following its destruction would fail to mention that.”<o:p></o:p> The story of Sodom and Gomorrah is clearly not usable in building a case against loving same-sex relationships. I wholeheartedly believe that homosexuality is not what the passage addresses and attacking gay Christians with this passage is misusing scripture.

Meaningful Song: Come out of hiding

Author: ettie.v

1 January 2024

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFkDqQtfs0w" target="_blank">Come out of Hiding</a>[Verse 1] Come out of hiding, You’re safe here with Me There’s no need to cover what I already see You’ve got your reasons, but I hold your peace You’ve been on lockdown, and I hold the key<o:p></o:p>[Chorus] ‘Cause I loved you before you knew what was love I saw it all, still I chose the cross You were the one that I was thinking of When I rose from the grave Now rid of the shackles, My victory is yours I tore the veil for you to come close There’s no reason to stand at a distance anymore You’re not far from home<o:p></o:p>[Verse 2] And I’ll be your lighthouse when you’re lost at sea I will illuminate everything No need to be frightened by intimacy No, just throw off your fear and come running to Me<o:p></o:p>[Bridge] And oh as you run, what hindered love Will only become part of the story? (x4)<o:p></o:p>[Outro] Baby, you’re almost home now Please don’t quit now You’re almost home to Me (x3)<o:p></o:p>Personal insight: <o:p></o:p>For years I felt like I needed to hide. It simply didn’t feel safe to let the world see who I really am, but there is safety with the Father – safety to come to Him as I am. He sees me as I am, and I do not need to hide from Him. He sees my mistakes and failures – He sees that I am gay – and still He is there for me, loving me, taking care of me, and desiring me. I have been hiding for many years – 33 years. In Him I can come out of hiding. He holds the key to my freedom!  With Him there is true freedom!<o:p></o:p>He has loved me from the beginning. Before I understood anything about love, He loved me. His love for me is not based on my behavior or actions. His love for me is not conditional. He died for me – despite my failures, sin, brokenness, and lack of obedience. He did it for me! I can live in His victory over sin, death and satan! I can live in a close relationship with Him! He is my home! I can be at home with Him as I find a place of belonging with Him, something that many in this world will not offer me.<o:p></o:p>God is the One leading me through the storms and through the uncertainty. He gives direction, guidance, understanding and revelation and therefore I can run to Him and trust Him! And be in intimate relationship with Him!<o:p></o:p>What seemed to be the hinderance to entering into God’s presence, and felt like a hinderance to me from serving Him and what hindered me from experiencing His love to the full, is not be the theme of my story, but just part of the story that has brought me to a place of truly meeting Him and experiencing His full love, grace and compassion and it has helped me discover deeper purpose in live - love.<o:p></o:p> Instead of hiding, it is time to be strong and courageous! It is not a time to give up! It is a time to keep on seeking Him and searching after Him! He is home! I need Him more than anything else. He is the goal and purpose! He is my place for belonging! When no one else will understand or accept – He will! He is the place where I can take off my mask and just be myself!

Clobber Passages – Leviticus - The Law

Author: ettie.v

17 November 2023

We as people often strive to find rules and regulations to live by. We know when we break the rules. We know that breaking the rules is wrong. Rules and laws help us know and decide what is right or wrong. The Pentateuch, which are the first five books in the Old Testament, gives a lot of laws and rules for the Israelites to live by, and in a large way, many of these laws have contributed to establishing laws for governing modern society.<o:p></o:p> In the book of Leviticus, part of the Pentateuch, there are two passages that speak against men sleeping together as a man would sleep with a woman. And it is true that we do not find any positive references to same sex-relations anywhere in the Bible. <o:p></o:p> Very often it is these two scriptures that are quoted in the debate against same-sex relationships or same-sex marriage, but as is the case with interpretering any portion of scripture, we do need to look closer at what the context of these scriptures are and what was the intent of these laws.<o:p></o:p> Lev.18:22 - You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination. (NKJV)<o:p></o:p> Lev. 20:13 - If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them. (NKJV)<o:p></o:p> There are many writers and scholars who have done extensive research on these verses – far more than I could do and therefore I will draw a lot from what I have learnt from them – and what they in turn have learnt from others.<o:p></o:p> Matthew Vines writes the following in his book, “God and the Gay Christian”:<o:p></o:p> Old Testament laws related to sex don’t always align with Christian views on sexual ethics. Our freedom from the law, I should be clear, is about much more than one decision made by one church council nearly two thousand years ago. It is rooted in the saving, reconciling work of Jesus Christ. The New Testament teaches that Christ fulfilled the law. (p.79) (See Col. 2:13-14, Heb.8:6-7, 8:13, Rom 10:2, 10:4, Gal. 3:13, 5:1, 5:6, Rom. 7) <o:p></o:p> Christ’s death on the cross liberated Christians from all that—what Paul called “the yoke of slavery.” Which leads to the obvious question: Are Christians also released from the prohibitions of male same-sex intercourse? In one sense, the answer is an uncontroversial yes. Our standing before God doesn’t depend on whether we’ve followed any laws. (p.81)<o:p></o:p> Christians also accept many Old Testament “abominations” without controversy. (p.85)<o:p></o:p> In the church today there is a great distinction between “moral law” and “ritual law”. It is often argued that Christians today have no obligation to keep the “ritual laws” since these have all been fulfilled by Christ, but it is argued that as Christians we still have a duty to keep the “moral law”. This has given theologians the liberty to pick and choose which laws they find fitting to burden the Church with and which laws they can simply discard. It is interesting is that there is no scriptural differentiation between what constitutes a “moral” and “ritual” law – scripturally, the law is the law.<o:p></o:p> David P. Gushee writes in his book “Changing our Mind”:<o:p></o:p> I review these Old Testament legal materials in order to ask Christians who quote selectively from such materials to describe and defend their principle of selection, interpretation, and application. In other words, unless one accepts every Old Testament legal text as authoritative for Christians today in the exact manner in which it is written, what alternative hermeneutical (method of interpreting the Bible) principle is to be employed? It is not as simple as saying that Christians accept all the laws offered in the Old Testament, just not the death penalty statutes that go with them—because very, very few if any Christians accept all the laws themselves, such as those requiring genocidal violence against idolatrous towns or the adherence to kosher food regulations or the priestly sacrifice rules.<o:p></o:p> It is also not as simple as saying that Christians accept the moral laws offered in the Old Testament, just not the ceremonial, cultic, dietary, or civil laws—because, as Old Testament scholar Martin Noth wrote, “Here in the Old Testament … there is no question of different categories of commandment, but only of the Will of God binding on Israel, revealed in a great variety of concrete requirements.” Any differentiation of authority in terms of categories of Old Testament legal materials is foreign to the materials themselves. And no clear delineation along these lines is offered in the New Testament.<o:p></o:p> It is relevant to note that never again outside of Leviticus are same-sex acts mentioned in Old Testament law, leaving at least 111 of the 117 uses of the term “abomination” to describe other issues. It is interesting how few of those other acts or character qualities are ever described as abominations by Christians today.<o:p></o:p> Gushee also states that:<o:p></o:p> John Piper has written of Mark 10:5, the equivalent of Matthew 19:8, this passage indicates “that there are laws in the Old Testament that are not expressions of God’s will for all time, but expressions of how best to manage sin in a particular people at a particular time.”<o:p></o:p> Karen Keen writes in her book, “Scripture, Ethics, and the Possibility of Same-Sex Relationships”:<o:p></o:p> One common cause of misinterpretation of Old Testament laws is that we focus more on what the laws are than on why they are included in Scripture. Inspiration resides not necessarily in the particularities but in the overarching reason for the laws—namely, a good and just society. Sin is generally defined by what harms others. (pp.62-63)<o:p></o:p> What is inspired is not the genre or particular ancient Near Eastern legal concerns but rather what the laws signify: a good and just world. Quoting the Old Testament, Jesus made the same point: all the law can be summed up in love of God and love of neighbor. Jesus didn’t dismiss the Old Testament statutes as irrelevant. Rather, he saw past the cultural trappings to affirm the overarching intent and purpose of the laws. Discernment is required to determine whether and how a biblical directive contributes to the creation of a good and just world. They teach us how to appropriate ethics from Scripture. (p.65)<o:p></o:p> Gushee also makes the following statements:<o:p></o:p> Scholars generally agree that uneasiness about non-procreative sexuality was a factor in Old Testament and perhaps also New Testament treatments of same-sex issues.<o:p></o:p> But, it is worth noting that the world population was most likely significantly less than today. Israel’s men were often called out to war, and many died in fierce battles. Life expectancy was also probably not as long as today, due to lack of medical advancement at that time. Procreative sex was probably important to keep the nation of Israel growing. Procreative sex would be beneficial to the nation. In the world we live in today, where the world population is growing very quickly, procreation is not as important for the survival of humanity.<o:p></o:p> The word “abomination” is scripturally often connected with idolatry. Male prostitutes were often found in temples where people went for idol worship, which could also add clearer context and help to accurately interpret Romans 1. If the context of having same-sex relations was going to an idolatrous temple to have sex with a male prostitute, it is understandable that the law would forbid it. Other common occurrences of same-sex relations included men raping young boys and conquered enemies to display his dominance over them, which is again very different from the loving same-sex relationships we are speaking of today.<o:p></o:p> It is safe to say that when we look at the full context in which these scriptures were written in, using these two scriptures to judge and condemn gay Christians in same-sex relationships is not a proper way of using scripture.<o:p></o:p>

Celibacy

Author: ettie.v

2 November 2023

I find the idea of celibacy very honorable – people who have the call to remain celibate to be able to use more of their available time and energy to serve the Lord. I also believe that celibacy is a call – and I don’t think that it is something you can just walk in, if you are not really called to walk in it.During my Bible college years I was wondering if God wanted me to remain celibate. I was praying a lot and asking Him to speak to me concerning this – not because I was gay (because I was still very ignorant and in serious denial about being gay) – but because I wanted to dedicate my life to serving the Lord. At that time, I honestly felt like the Lord did not want me to make a lifetime commitment to celibacy. I decided to commit to not pursuing a relationship for the first five years of being in ministry and focused only on serving the Lord and it gave me an extreme level of flexibility… I could change travel plans immediately and didn’t have to worry about how it might affect or complicate things for a partner or my family – and during my years in ministry I had amazing adventures that were possible because I was living a celibate lifestyle.I was doing my best to live celibate, but I don’t think I was very good at it and I always knew something was missing. I felt extremely lonely, but I tried my best to smother and suppress these feelings in my heart, and to a certain degree I succeeded.I tried dating some girls too which ended in disaster every time, since they got emotionally involved in the relationship and I just couldn’t. I am thankful I didn’t ever push through any of these awkward dating periods and end up marrying one of these girls, because it would have been very unfair to them, since they all deserved husbands who could truly love them and are attracted to them. The best I could ever offer was a high level of friendship.When I finally came to accept that I was gay, I thought I had no choice but to remain celibate. I did well for about 6 months. I had intimate heart-to-heart conversations with my Side B friends and that sustained my need for intimacy for a while, but soon it was also not enough. I deeply desired someone to do life with, someone to go on walks with, someone to go to events with, someone to share my dreams and frustrations with, someone to lay next to me when I fall asleep at night and someone who would be there when I wake up. Celibacy started to feel like a death sentence. I did not (and still do not) feel called to a life of celibacy.Most churches I have been to (and I have been to many, internationally and from various denominations) would see mandatory celibacy as the answer to a gay person’s problems. I recently read Sally Gary’s book “Affirming: A Memoir of Faith, Sexuality, and Staying in the Church” and I would like to share excerpts that were very encouraging to me:“I walked into the room where the elders were already seated around long tables. I had been invited by the leadership to give a workshop on ministry to LGBTQ people. This church had selected twenty men to serve as shepherds, and they were all present. They varied in age, with a few younger than I, but most were somewhat older. I shared my story and discussed the importance of open, honest dialogue about faith and sexuality in our churches.”“When I finished the presentation, I opened up the floor for questions. One elder expressed confusion about why some people consider the expectation of celibacy for gay people a problem. “Why is expecting people who experience same-sex attraction to be celibate unfair?” he asked. “It’s no different than being heterosexual and single, is it?” A few other elders began speaking up, insisting that it wasn’t the same. “Well, it’s different because they have to keep how they feel a secret,” one elder commented. The elders continued to engage the question. Everyone listened politely, sincerely trying to understand where each person was coming from. The one who initiated the question continued. “You know, I have family members who are single, who have never been married in their lives, and I don’t feel sorry for them. Maybe they didn’t choose to be married or didn’t have the opportunity, but they’re not hurting because of that. Why is it so different to ask a gay person to be celibate?” I wanted to ask if he had actually had those conversations with the single members of his family, inquiring about their happiness in being single, or if he was perhaps making an assumption. I wanted to tell him that no one had ever asked me if I was okay being single. Or if I ever got lonely or wished I was married and had a family. Maybe that’s because I gave the impression of being perfectly fine with my singleness and being independent, even when that’s not how I’ve always felt. I waited to see if the elders had any further comments, then offered a response. “It’s different because for a heterosexual person who’s single, there’s always the chance that they will meet someone, fall in love, and then have the option to marry. That’s always a possibility, with nothing hindering them except finding someone. But for an LGBTQ person who is a Christian and believes in a traditional sexual ethic, there’s no hope,” I said. “There’s no hope in ever being able to have the companionship that God designed us to need. For LGBTQ people living under a traditional Christian sexual ethic, that possibility doesn’t exist. We know this early on, when we are still young, in our teens and twenties, that if we live under the traditional guidelines of the church that confine marriage to a man and a woman, we will never be able to have that type of relationship.” There was silence in the room. “You know, Sally, being single is a whole lot easier to talk about when you’re married,” one of the older elders interjected. A smile came across his face, and I smiled back. Several others grinned and nodded their heads. “I think you’re right, Roy,” I answered. “Maybe some people can live a single life more easily—maybe they’re just fine with it. But I know lots of people who are desperately lonely as single persons.” More heads nodded. I could tell this was a room full of men who took their job of listening as shepherds seriously. “When we call LGBTQ people to celibacy, we’re not just saying, ‘You can’t have sex.’ It goes so much deeper. We’re telling someone, ‘You’re going to have to live your life alone.’”Most churches simply reason God created “Adam and Eve” and not “Adam and Steve”. Here is another excerpt from Sally Gary’s book that I think holds so much truth:“Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to form friendships with people far more knowledgeable of Scripture than I am. People who have studied the Bible longer, and studied it more deeply, than I have. People who have preached more sermons than I have heard in my lifetime, and I’ve heard plenty. These are the people I have trusted and sought out to help answer my questions, to help resolve the tension I have felt between my faith and sexuality. One of my most faithful conversation partners is a former Bible professor. “Sally, the one passage that I believe is controlling in the question of same-sex marriage is Genesis 1–3,” Terry said. “The creation story of Adam and Eve sets the parameters for marriage right there—marriage is between a man and a woman.” We had barely finished lunch before Terry wandered back into the living room to continue our conversation. For the last two days we had been talking about all the passages of Scripture dealing with same-sex sexuality, but now we were approaching the topic of marriage from a much broader perspective, looking at the “totality” of Scripture, as Terry insisted. After his wife, Joan, finished clearing the table and putting our lunch dishes in the dishwasher, she joined our conversation. “Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll give you that. Let’s say that the first three chapters of Genesis do dictate what we need to know about marriage.” Terry stopped pacing around the room and came over to sit down on the end of the sectional sofa next to Joan, folding his arms and putting one finger over his lips, looking very professorial. “If Genesis 1–3 tells us what to believe about gender and marriage, why do we not hold as rigorously to what God says about loneliness right in the same passage?” I asked sincerely. “In Genesis 2:18, God says it isn’t good for man to be alone. That’s the whole reason he made Eve, to be a companion for Adam, right? So that means God recognized that Adam needed someone besides the animals, right? And that not even God himself could meet Adam’s need for companionship, doesn’t it?” “You’re right, Sally,” Terry said. “That’s the way I understand the passage.” “But why doesn’t the part about God saying ‘It’s not good for man to be alone’ stand out as equally important?” I wanted to know. “You’re favoring one part over the other.” Terry told me he believed the passage was specifically talking about the man and the woman being suitable companions for one another, and that this was the most important part. “But what if,” I continued, “the most important part is about not being alone? What if that’s the lens that should dictate our interpretation of Genesis?” It was quiet, and I saw Joan glance at her husband. Terry stared at me, and soon I could see the twinkle in his eyes, his hand still hiding the slight smile on his face. “I don’t know,” Terry said. We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about the human need for companionship.”There are much more Jesus loving LGBTQ people out there, who feel alone and rejected, than I ever realized. Over the past two years I have met so many Jesus loving men and women who are desperately alone – many of them feeling that the burden of mandatory celibacy has been placed on them.A song that stuck with me the last while is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5im_tBINf80" target="_blank">“Hey Jesus” by Trey Pearson</a>, that speaks of the desire for love and companionship that many LGBTQ Christians experience, but is only met with loneliness and (in many cases) rejection.May we become less focused on the rules and laws (like the Pharisees) that we have become culturally accustomed to – and our focus and attention shift more and more to the actual needs of people – which is what Jesus was always focusing on and ministering to.<div> </div>

My journey through the “Sides”

Author: ettie.v

6 September 2023

If you are not familiar with the Christian LGBTQ “sides”, then there is a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Side_A,_Side_B,_Side_X,_Side_Y_(theological_views)">Wikipedia article</a> that briefly explains the different sides. Basically, a “side” is a theological position on homosexuality. In my study of them, I have seen that these sides fall at different points along a spectrum. For example, I have encountered very conservative and also very liberal Side B guys – although foundationally they agree on certain truths, they would still disagree on what they feel is allowed and not allowed. I have also encountered a lot of people who are not bothered about the different sides, but for me it was very helpful to be able to more concretely define what I believe and why I believe it, and therefore be able to defend my point of view – even to myself and my own heart. I have journeyed through all these sides at one time or another, even if I could not at the time necessarily put a name or label to it. Here is just a bit of my journey. I know that at the age of 7 I was already aware that I was different from the other boys. I didn’t want to play the same games that they wanted to play and it was just a lot easier for me to make friends with girls. As I hit puberty and became curious about the human body, I was not curious about what girls’ bodies looked like. I was curious to see what other male bodies looked like. I was taught that we have to respect girls and their bodies, and so when I gave in to watching porn, I never went looking for female bodies and had no desire to see a naked woman. I remember lying in bed one evening, during my high school years, thinking “I must be gay!” – but there was no place that felt safe enough to share this with anyone. So, it was my secret to keep. Journeying through Side X As I became more serious about my faith I decided that being gay or living a gay lifestyle was not an option – I needed God to “heal” me and “take the gay away.” So, I tried to pray the gay away. I fasted several times – thinking if I deny myself and deny my body food, then God will take away these desires that keep bubbling up. But God did not! It stayed! I tried dating a few girls, but the relationships would never go very far because I was never deeply emotionally invested. I just simply could not be. These were amazing girls – excellent marriage material – but not for me. They ended up getting hurt every time, and I walked away unharmed and unfazed, because I knew I didn’t really have any attraction towards them. I still hoped that if the right girl would come along – together with God and her sparkling personality – I would be able to have a straight relationship. I was lonely! I wanted a companion! I hated the loneliness! I started to suppress these feelings of loneliness. First Exposure to Side Y Still believing that somehow God was going to heal me and change me into the man that He wants me to be, I read the book “Out of a Far Country” by Christopher Yuan. It made sense to me that gays might not be able to change and could therefore live a life of celibacy… but I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I agreed that a Side Y lifestyle could be acceptable, but I didn’t want one – I wanted a companion and still trusted that God would somehow heal me. Exposure to Side B My first exposure to Side B writings was “Washed and Waiting” by Wesley Hill. It was while I was reading this book that I realized I needed to stop kidding myself – I am gay and it is here to stay… It is who I am and for some reason it doesn’t seem like God is going to “heal” me. It was time I needed to start dealing with this. The “Your Other Brothers” podcasts played a great role in helping me understand who I am as a gay Christian man and that accepting that I am gay does not accept that I am going to hell. For the first time I started to realize that there were many others going through the exact same struggles as I am – I am not alone! It was an amazing realization, and I made many Side B friends with whom I am still friends with to this day. I started to realize that as human beings, intimacy is not something that we desire, but need. I started to uncover the deep loneliness that I had within me and realized for how long I had been suppressing those feelings. I had really amazing, deep and intimate conversations with my Side B friends (mostly online) – and the conversations helped me to feel like I was not alone and part of a community or believers who experienced the same as I did. After a few months, the online conversations were not enough anymore and I needed something more. I knew I needed to look further and wider as to what the Bible really says regarding same-sex relationships. Gregory Coles, a Side B author, writes in his book “Single, Gay Christian”: “There are only a few things I know for sure about showing love to gay people, and one of them is this: If you really want to love us, you have to respect us enough to let us make our own decisions. Even if you think we might get it wrong. Even if you’re sure we have gotten it wrong. You can’t just tell us what to believe and expect us to believe it. That’s not how belief works—at least that’s not how it worked for me. I needed to be given the space to read the Bible for myself, to listen to God’s voice distinct from all the other voices claiming to speak on his behalf. I needed to give myself permission to hear both yes and no. Hearing from God isn’t hearing at all if we never take the risk of hearing more than one answer.” “As I write these words, I can almost hear my theologically conservative friends getting nervous. “But there is one answer,” I imagine them insisting. “God has already spoken. We can’t surrender truth on the altar of whim.” And I agree. There is a best answer to this question. If we love God, we’ll do everything we can to find it. Then again, if we assume we already know the answer, we’re not really searching for it at all. We weight the dice, we silence the evidence that threatens to change our minds, and we risk missing the very truth we claim to follow so unreservedly. Truth is a complicated thing.” As I read these words I knew I had to get answers for myself, instead of just following what I have been taught for years. I had to search out what God is saying to me personally. I needed to look wider than just my comfort-zone. Looking into Side A I started looking wider – into some Side A resources – which I had stayed away from, because of a fear of being led into deception by heresy. Although I didn’t find myself agreeing with everything in all of the resources I came across, some books that really helped me to see things from a different perspective (and that I would recommend to anyone to read) are: - Heavy Burdens by Bridget Rivera - Scripture, Ethics and the Possibility of Same-Sex Relationships by Karen Keen - Changing our Mind by David Gushee - God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines After doing some research and reading these books (among others), I came to the personal conclusion that the Bible does not say anything to condemn me for having a same sex relationship - I honestly believe this. There is talk of a "gay agenda" among Evangelicals. Personally, I feel translating the word "homosexuality" into the Bible (a word that didn't exist in any language before the mid-1800's) speaks to me of a "straight/heterosexual agenda." I feel that translating the word “homosexuality” into 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy is poor translation, and it has had extreme consequences for millions of people with a great desire to follow Christ, but feel unqualified. Here are my personal observations at the time of writing this (and so they are very much subject to change) and why I lean towards Side A: To me, same-sex relationships is an issue that is simply not as black and white as the Church has made it out to be. Personally, and to my surprise, I didn't really find a strong Biblical base and arguments for Side Y and Side B and I can see more valid hermeneutical arguments for both Side X and Side A. Pertaining to Side Y and B, to me it just seems like people saw and understood that Side X leads to death, for many, so then it could be better to rather 'play it safe' and commit to live a celibate life. To me, it feels like for those of us who are gay and don't have the call or gift of celibacy, the options are basically to 'burn with lust' or 'burn in hell'. And to me this just seems very in line with Jesus accusing the Pharisees of laying burdens on people that they are not able to carry. Most of Paul's letters carry themes of not laying the burden of obedience to the law on people. So, in a nutshell... . I do not feel called to “play it safe” anymore and lean Side A. Is there a chance I am wrong? Yes, maybe... just like I could be wrong on any number of other theological issues. Am I condemned to hell for being wrong about this issue? No, I don't believe that this is the case. I have at times held Side X, some Side Y, then Side B and now Side A convictions. I know our views of things could (and should) change as we grow as people and as our understanding of God and His word grows. I look at <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWPx7jJy094&t=4144s">Wesley Hill and Karen Keen </a> – who have very different views and convictions regarding same-sex relationships, and yet (at least it seems like it) they are friends and have great respect for each other. My hope for the Church is that we would be willing to listen to each other and respect each other – even when our views and opinions differ. I hope that each person would feel the freedom to personally seek God’s plan for their lives.

Coming out as an Enneagram Type 9

Author: ettie.v

15 August 2023

I would like to share with you a song that has meant a lot to me over the past few years and share a few thoughts and ideas that I had regarding it. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TijTd60iFDw">Nine</a> by Sleeping At Last [Verse 1] Who am I to say what any of this means I have been sleepwalking Since I was fourteen Now as I write my song I retrace my steps Honestly, it’s easier To let myself forget Still, I check my vital signs Choked up, I realize I’ve been less than half myself For more than half my life [Chorus] Wake up Fall in love again Wage war on gravity There’s so much worth fighting for you’ll see Another domino falls Either way [Verse 2] It looks like empathy To understand all sides But I’m just trying to find myself Through someone else’s eyes So show me what to do To restart this heart of mine How do I forgive myself For losing so much time? [Chorus] Wake up Roll up your sleeves There’s a chain reaction in your heart Muscle memory Remembering who you are Stand up And fall in love again and again and again Wage war on gravity There’s so much worth fighting for, you’ll see Another domino falls And another domino falls [Verse 3] A little at a time I feel more alive I let the scale tip and feel all of it It’s uncomfortable but right We were born to try To see each other through To know and love ourselves and others well Is the most difficult and meaningful Work we’ll ever do --- Understanding my Enneagram type has helped me understand myself a lot! If you’re unfamiliar with it, the Enneagram is a <a href="https://www.truity.com/blog/enneagram/what-is-enneagram">personality typing system</a> that gives you some insight into how you interpret the world and manage your emotions. Enneagram 9s, for instance, are very “people pleasing” by nature, so much so that very often, they do not even know who they are themselves. As a type 9, I have always looked down on my own insights or opinions – making much more of what other people think. In that sense, I have been sleepwalking – alive, but not living my life – rather, I have chosen paths that would please others. I think I chose certain paths for the wrong reasons, to try and prove to others that I am not a bad person. For the most part, I was living through other people’s opinions, seeing myself through their eyes and doing what they thought was best, instead of taking responsibility for my own life and doing that which I felt was best and important. I have not been fully myself for most of my life because I have been scared of other people’s opinions. I have pretended to be the person that they want me to be and I have not allowed myself to just be myself — all in an attempt to avoid conflict or confrontation. I have been alive but not awake, not living my life as myself. I need to be constantly reminded to wake up! It is time to live! I need to move forward with my life and not be pulled down to stagnation, but to be moving – as who I am – and not as how others see me or like me or want me to be. There is much worth fighting for. God created me for a specific purpose and with a specific contribution that He wants me to make in this world. When I let gravity pull me down and keep me down, it does not stop the world from moving on and moving forward – the world will not wait for me – when I remain motionless or dormant – I miss out on life and on what God is doing around me. Enneagram 9s are very diplomatic – and I can be very diplomatic – to the extreme that I can understand two sides of a situation, that I, myself, do not even know which side I believe is right or wrong. Understanding both sides can be good – but what is my side? What do I think or believe? How is it possible that I do not know and do not have an opinion, but find myself stuck between all the sides? I often feel like I struggle to find direction by myself, but need someone to tell me what to do. For too long I followed what others thought was right, that I completely lost myself. I must discover who I really am and pursue my passions and purposes in life! I need to take the initiative and move forward! I cannot just go through the motions of life. Fight being lethargic. There are a lot of worthy purposes to live for, and worthy causes to fight for. As I take action, it will bring life! I have never felt as alive as when I admitted to myself who I really was – I am gay. I can stop pretending otherwise to please others – it is uncomfortable but right. I can love myself for who I am. And I can love others for who they are – even when I do not see life from their perspective. God has called us to love! [He didn’t call us to change others – that is His work!] Loving others will be more meaningful than debating with them.

Judgement and Law and Grace

Author: ettie.v

15 August 2023

It is easy to spot when others do not do as we think they should – to shake our heads in disapproval. I have been guilty of this many times. Jesus says: “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5 (NLT) Paul says: “You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. Since you judge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid God’s judgment when you do the same things?” Romans 2:1-3 (NLT) It is easy to see the deeds of others and disapprove. Jesus and Paul say that we should be wary of judging others based upon their deeds. Salvation is not based upon deeds! None of us want to be judged by God based upon our deeds – because all of us will be found guilty. When we as Christians look at our own lives, we can recognize that we need God’s grace for us to be saved, but when Christians look at the LGBTQ community, then we as part of that community are judged and condemned by Leviticus 18:22 and Leviticus 20:5. Jesus says: “The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.” I guess it is natural to want to apply the literal letter of the Word when it suits us, but not when it is an inconvenience, or not in line with our understanding and interpretations, like not working on a Saturday, circumcision, eating bacon, mixing fabrics, owning slaves, allowing women to speak in church, head coverings for women, and allowing people born out of wedlock in our religious meeting places. The letter of the law kills. It is exclusive. It places unbearable burdens upon people, and it is unattainable. But God’s love and grace brings freedom and life. Justin Lee, author of Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs-Christians Debate, writes: “Paul was right: Truly living out God’s agape love for others always led to doing the right thing. Sin always resulted from selfish desire in one form or another.” “Yes, we’re saved by grace, but I’d usually thought of righteous living in terms of following rules about what you could and couldn’t do as a Christian. Yet Paul seemed to take the opposite view…” Lee references the following scriptures: “Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? Colossians 2:20–21 (NIV) “Before this faith [in Christ] came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.” Galatians 3:23–25 (NIV) “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Galatians 5:13–14 (TNIV) Lee continues… “…the way of living out our freedom without sinning, is by serving one another humbly in God’s agape love. If we live out that love in selfless service of others rather than indulging our own selfish desires, we will automatically do what God has called us to do. Sin comes from our own selfishness, not from selfless love.” “From a Christian perspective, everything in the Bible—Old and New Testaments—points toward Jesus. The sacrifices, the rituals, the rules—all of these are just shadows of the reality in Christ.” Colossians 2:17 (NIV) “Christians usually understand the Holy Spirit as the “Helper” Jesus promised to send, the indwelling of God in the hearts of all believers. The Holy Spirit knows the purpose of God’s laws and can guide us in interpreting and applying them to our situations, superseding the letter of the law when appropriate, and helping us to fulfill God’s ultimate desire for us on earth: not to be slaves to a set of rules, but to live out God’s unconditional agape love in every moment of every day. “ “That’s why Paul says: If you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.” Galatians 5:18 (NIV) So, instead of judging others for the deeds they do, we are called to love others and to live by the Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV) I am still mostly closeted, so I have been within hearing distance of people who have said very hateful and hurtful things about me, without them even knowing that they were speaking about me. I’ve heard friends say things like: “All gay people go to hell!” or “Gay people are an abomination!” or “All gay people should be killed!” and all kinds of comments regarding the “gay agenda.” These statements are quite hurtful, to me and many others, and I do not find this in line with living a life being led by the Spirit. I believe that when God’s judgment comes, His grace will be enough for me! I am no longer a slave to the law, but called to love my neighbor no matter who they are – what nationality, what race, what sexual orientation, what status they have in society, no matter how rich or poor – everyone!

Lost Relationships

Author: ettie.v

15 August 2023

I am still a closeted gay man for the most part. Most people who know me do not know that I am gay. I am pretty sure that this is a part of who I am, and that they will not understand. Because most of my friends are Christian, I will most likely lose most of my friends. As an Enneagram type 9, the greatest barrier to coming out to everyone is the relationships that will be lost in the process. The circles I have found myself in over these last few years have been mostly conservative Christian. I know that the news of me being gay would not go over well. It is very likely that many of these relationships would come to an end. It is a hard reality. One very close friend – who I have heard refer to me as her “best friend” – will probably be one of these relationships that will not survive my coming out. We get along very well and have had many heart-to-heart conversations. But she has made her feelings regarding the queer-community quite clear. She calls me her “best friend”… but am I really? If she knew everything about me and who I am, would she even want to be my friend? Now, I have been battling with the hard question of “is our friendship even real?” It feels like she loves me as her friend… but… not for who I am, but rather for who she thinks I am – and who she wants me to be. Unfortunately, this is the case for most of my friendships that I have had over the years! The even harder question is: Is it my fault for nurturing “fake friendships” because I was not 100% transparent about my sexuality? But how could I have been transparent if I myself did not really know and did not even really understand… and if it never really felt safe to disclose this part of who I am? It always felt easier to just pretend – even pretending to myself. Some friendships will come to an end… but just like some relationships will come to an end… it is also an opportunity for new relationships. I recently watched an episode from the television series “Love Victor” (S01E08), and there was a scene that struck me. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2sbTxqhzlY">(Watch the scene here)</a> It was a revelation to me that I might face rejection and hate, and even lose some relationships that I value. However, there are people and communities who are willing and open to accept me for who I am – and not for who I am pretending to be. Instead of hiding who I truly am to be accepted by people, I could look for people and communities who will accept me for who I am. They are out there! Instead of clinging to old relationships that cannot survive me coming out as gay, it might be better to start looking for accepting communities and people – and work on building these friendships and relationships. I am thankful that the Lord has given me some amazing friends who have not abandoned me! Friends who I came out to, and our friendships deepened and have gone to the next level! God has also added new friends – many of them online – who have gone through the same challenges I have and have had many similar experiences. When it comes to true friendship, acceptance and inclusion should not be an issue! True friends accept us for who we are. They are rare, and very valuable. They stand by us as we work through the difficult questions in life, and do not have a “their way or the highway” attitude. True friends are there for us, even when everyone else leaves.

What if I am wrong?

Author: ettie.v

15 August 2023

Just among my friends, there are many different opinions regarding theological issues – baptism, communion, the rapture, spiritual warfare, prosperity teachings, predestination, and many more. I have learned to be able to put our differences aside and focus on that which is important – on Jesus, that faith in Him is our way to salvation, and that I want my life to glorify Him – wherever I find myself! I grew up Reformed and went to a more Pentecostal/Charismatic Bible college, which I believe brought a lot of balance in my theology. I have been in ministry and worked interdenominationally for more than 13 years. I have never been in a church where I agree with 100% of all the teachings. Like I said, even among close friends, we differ in what we believe the Bible really teaches. This does not disqualify us from being brothers and sisters – still… one of us is right and one of us is wrong. Leonard Sweet said, “I warn my students that at my very best, 80 percent of my theology is correct, 20 percent is wrong. The problem is, I’m not sure which is the 80 percent, and which isn’t.” What does it feel like being wrong? Most people would say that it feels bad to be wrong. But, for the most part, being wrong feels exactly the same as being right, since most often we don’t know or understand that we are actually wrong. Most of the time, we think we are right! When I discover that I am wrong – only then do I feel embarrassed or humiliated. It is possible for us to be wrong about something that we feel 100% certain about. It is only when we are open to considering that we might be wrong that we are placing ourselves in a position where we could grow. We are without a doubt wrong about certain things. When we realize we are wrong and we learn the truth, then we grow. If we never change our minds – and we still believe exactly the same as we did 10 years ago, then we didn’t grow. I believe I did a lot of growing over the last few years. I realized that the Bible was not as black and white regarding same-sex relationships as I always thought it was. I realized that there might be room for me to be me – to be the gay man I always suppressed. Immediately the questions pop up in my mind: “What if I am wrong?” “What if living a gay lifestyle is not acceptable to God?” “What if I end up living in sin?” “What if I end up going to hell?” Maybe the larger question is: “Can I still trust in the goodness of God?” For many gay Christians there is real fear involved in these questions. Jesus said concerning those crucifying Him: “Forgive them, they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34a) I believe that even if we end up being wrong in our beliefs and convictions – we can still trust that God’s goodness, grace and love is enough! There is certainly a chance that I am wrong and that I have completely missed God on this. Does that mean I need to play it safe? Live a celibate life… just in case I am wrong? In Matthew 25:14-30, we read the parable of the 10 talents – and the master is furious at the third servant who played it safe. It sometimes seems reasonable to play it safe – but what if that is exactly what infuriates the master? At surface level, it seems like the master is only concerned about profit (and we should not waste the gifts that God has given us). On a deeper level, it is about how we relate to God. The servant was afraid of the master and operated from a fear-based mentality. God does not want us to play it safe because we fear disappointing Him. God does not want us to live in fear… but rather live in freedom, in His love, in His mercy and in His grace. Blog inspired by and based on a free devotional: What if I am wrong? By Shannon Casey on “Our Bible” app.

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Username: ettie.v

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All author's blogs:

Coming out of the Closet and Coming Home

What It Really Means to Change When Christ Calls Us

Faith Beyond the Failures of Others

Is There a Place for Me in the Church? A Gay Christian’s Question

Understanding the Bible as an LGBTQ Christian

Dear Parents...

Lessons from a Journey of Self-Acceptance: My Story of Embracing Authenticity and Faith

Embracing Christian Same-Sex Marriages: Love, Equality, and Inclusion in the Church

Clobber Passages – 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy

Clobber Passages - Romans 1

Clobber Passages - Sodom and Gomorrah

Meaningful Song: Come out of hiding

Clobber Passages – Leviticus - The Law

Celibacy

My journey through the “Sides”

Coming out as an Enneagram Type 9

Judgement and Law and Grace

Lost Relationships

What if I am wrong?