I am still a closeted gay man for the most part. Most people who know me do not know that I am gay. I am pretty sure that this is a part of who I am, and that they will not understand. <br /><br />Because most of my friends are Christian, I will most likely lose most of my friends. <br /><br />As an Enneagram type 9, the greatest barrier to coming out to everyone is the relationships that will be lost in the process. <br /><br />The circles I have found myself in over these last few years have been mostly conservative Christian. I know that the news of me being gay would not go over well. It is very likely that many of these relationships would come to an end. It is a hard reality. <br /><br />One very close friend – who I have heard refer to me as her “best friend” – will probably be one of these relationships that will not survive my coming out. We get along very well and have had many heart-to-heart conversations. But she has made her feelings regarding the queer-community quite clear. <br /><br />She calls me her “best friend”… but am I really? If she knew everything about me and who I am, would she even want to be my friend? <br /><br />Now, I have been battling with the hard question of “is our friendship even real?” It feels like she loves me as her friend… but… not for who I am, but rather for who she thinks I am – and who she wants me to be. <br /><br />Unfortunately, this is the case for most of my friendships that I have had over the years! <br /><br />The even harder question is: Is it my fault for nurturing “fake friendships” because I was not 100% transparent about my sexuality? But how could I have been transparent if I myself did not really know and did not even really understand… and if it never really felt safe to disclose this part of who I am? It always felt easier to just pretend – even pretending to myself. <br /><br />Some friendships will come to an end… but just like some relationships will come to an end… it is also an opportunity for new relationships. <br /><br />I recently watched an episode from the television series “Love Victor” (S01E08), and there was a scene that struck me. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2sbTxqhzlY">(Watch the scene here)</a> It was a revelation to me that I might face rejection and hate, and even lose some relationships that I value. However, there are people and communities who are willing and open to accept me for who I am – and not for who I am pretending to be. <br /><br />Instead of hiding who I truly am to be accepted by people, I could look for people and communities who will accept me for who I am. They are out there! <br /><br />Instead of clinging to old relationships that cannot survive me coming out as gay, it might be better to start looking for accepting communities and people – and work on building these friendships and relationships. <br /><br />I am thankful that the Lord has given me some amazing friends who have not abandoned me! Friends who I came out to, and our friendships deepened and have gone to the next level! God has also added new friends – many of them online – who have gone through the same challenges I have and have had many similar experiences. <br /><br />When it comes to true friendship, acceptance and inclusion should not be an issue! True friends accept us for who we are. They are rare, and very valuable. They stand by us as we work through the difficult questions in life, and do not have a “their way or the highway” attitude. True friends are there for us, even when everyone else leaves.
💕 They love it! 💕
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