If you are not familiar with the Christian LGBTQ “sides”, then there is a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Side_A,_Side_B,_Side_X,_Side_Y_(theological_views)">Wikipedia article</a> that briefly explains the different sides. Basically, a “side” is a theological position on homosexuality. In my study of them, I have seen that these sides fall at different points along a spectrum. For example, I have encountered very conservative and also very liberal Side B guys – although foundationally they agree on certain truths, they would still disagree on what they feel is allowed and not allowed. <br /><br />I have also encountered a lot of people who are not bothered about the different sides, but for me it was very helpful to be able to more concretely define what I believe and why I believe it, and therefore be able to defend my point of view – even to myself and my own heart. <br /><br />I have journeyed through all these sides at one time or another, even if I could not at the time necessarily put a name or label to it. <br /><br />Here is just a bit of my journey. <br /><br />I know that at the age of 7 I was already aware that I was different from the other boys. I didn’t want to play the same games that they wanted to play and it was just a lot easier for me to make friends with girls. <br /><br />As I hit puberty and became curious about the human body, I was not curious about what girls’ bodies looked like. I was curious to see what other male bodies looked like. I was taught that we have to respect girls and their bodies, and so when I gave in to watching porn, I never went looking for female bodies and had no desire to see a naked woman. <br /><br />I remember lying in bed one evening, during my high school years, thinking “I must be gay!” – but there was no place that felt safe enough to share this with anyone. So, it was my secret to keep. <br /> <br /> <strong>Journeying through Side X</strong> <br /><br />As I became more serious about my faith I decided that being gay or living a gay lifestyle was not an option – I needed God to “heal” me and “take the gay away.” So, I tried to pray the gay away. I fasted several times – thinking if I deny myself and deny my body food, then God will take away these desires that keep bubbling up. But God did not! It stayed! I tried dating a few girls, but the relationships would never go very far because I was never deeply emotionally invested. I just simply could not be. These were amazing girls – excellent marriage material – but not for me. They ended up getting hurt every time, and I walked away unharmed and unfazed, because I knew I didn’t really have any attraction towards them. <br /><br />I still hoped that if the right girl would come along – together with God and her sparkling personality – I would be able to have a straight relationship. I was lonely! I wanted a companion! I hated the loneliness! I started to suppress these feelings of loneliness. <br /> <br /> <strong>First Exposure to Side Y</strong> <br /><br />Still believing that somehow God was going to heal me and change me into the man that He wants me to be, I read the book “Out of a Far Country” by Christopher Yuan. It made sense to me that gays might not be able to change and could therefore live a life of celibacy… but I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I agreed that a Side Y lifestyle could be acceptable, but I didn’t want one – I wanted a companion and still trusted that God would somehow heal me. <br /> <br /> <strong>Exposure to Side B</strong> <br /><br />My first exposure to Side B writings was “Washed and Waiting” by Wesley Hill. It was while I was reading this book that I realized I needed to stop kidding myself – I am gay and it is here to stay… It is who I am and for some reason it doesn’t seem like God is going to “heal” me. It was time I needed to start dealing with this. <br /><br />The “Your Other Brothers” podcasts played a great role in helping me understand who I am as a gay Christian man and that accepting that I am gay does not accept that I am going to hell. For the first time I started to realize that there were many others going through the exact same struggles as I am – I am not alone! It was an amazing realization, and I made many Side B friends with whom I am still friends with to this day. <br /><br />I started to realize that as human beings, intimacy is not something that we desire, but need. I started to uncover the deep loneliness that I had within me and realized for how long I had been suppressing those feelings. I had really amazing, deep and intimate conversations with my Side B friends (mostly online) – and the conversations helped me to feel like I was not alone and part of a community or believers who experienced the same as I did. <br /><br />After a few months, the online conversations were not enough anymore and I needed something more. I knew I needed to look further and wider as to what the Bible really says regarding same-sex relationships. <br /><br />Gregory Coles, a Side B author, writes in his book “Single, Gay Christian”: <br /><br /> <span class="quote-text">“There are only a few things I know for sure about showing love to gay people, and one of them is this: If you really want to love us, you have to respect us enough to let us make our own decisions. Even if you think we might get it wrong. Even if you’re sure we have gotten it wrong. You can’t just tell us what to believe and expect us to believe it. That’s not how belief works—at least that’s not how it worked for me. I needed to be given the space to read the Bible for myself, to listen to God’s voice distinct from all the other voices claiming to speak on his behalf. I needed to give myself permission to hear both yes and no. Hearing from God isn’t hearing at all if we never take the risk of hearing more than one answer.”</span> <br /><br /> <span class="quote-text">“As I write these words, I can almost hear my theologically conservative friends getting nervous. “But there is one answer,” I imagine them insisting. “God has already spoken. We can’t surrender truth on the altar of whim.” And I agree. There is a best answer to this question. If we love God, we’ll do everything we can to find it. Then again, if we assume we already know the answer, we’re not really searching for it at all. We weight the dice, we silence the evidence that threatens to change our minds, and we risk missing the very truth we claim to follow so unreservedly. Truth is a complicated thing.”</span> <br /><br />As I read these words I knew I had to get answers for myself, instead of just following what I have been taught for years. I had to search out what God is saying to me personally. I needed to look wider than just my comfort-zone. <br /> <br /> <strong>Looking into Side A</strong> <br /><br />I started looking wider – into some Side A resources – which I had stayed away from, because of a fear of being led into deception by heresy. <br /><br />Although I didn’t find myself agreeing with everything in all of the resources I came across, some books that really helped me to see things from a different perspective (and that I would recommend to anyone to read) are: <br />- Heavy Burdens by Bridget Rivera <br />- Scripture, Ethics and the Possibility of Same-Sex Relationships by Karen Keen <br />- Changing our Mind by David Gushee <br />- God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines <br /><br />After doing some research and reading these books (among others), I came to the personal conclusion that the Bible does not say anything to condemn me for having a same sex relationship - I honestly believe this. <br /><br />There is talk of a "gay agenda" among Evangelicals. Personally, I feel translating the word "homosexuality" into the Bible (a word that didn't exist in any language before the mid-1800's) speaks to me of a "straight/heterosexual agenda." I feel that translating the word “homosexuality” into 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy is poor translation, and it has had extreme consequences for millions of people with a great desire to follow Christ, but feel unqualified. <br /><br />Here are my personal observations at the time of writing this (and so they are very much subject to change) and why I lean towards Side A: <br /><br />To me, same-sex relationships is an issue that is simply not as black and white as the Church has made it out to be. Personally, and to my surprise, I didn't really find a strong Biblical base and arguments for Side Y and Side B and I can see more valid hermeneutical arguments for both Side X and Side A. <br /><br />Pertaining to Side Y and B, to me it just seems like people saw and understood that Side X leads to death, for many, so then it could be better to rather 'play it safe' and commit to live a celibate life. To me, it feels like for those of us who are gay and don't have the call or gift of celibacy, the options are basically to 'burn with lust' or 'burn in hell'. And to me this just seems very in line with Jesus accusing the Pharisees of laying burdens on people that they are not able to carry. Most of Paul's letters carry themes of not laying the burden of obedience to the law on people. <br /><br />So, in a nutshell... . I do not feel called to “play it safe” anymore and lean Side A. Is there a chance I am wrong? Yes, maybe... just like I could be wrong on any number of other theological issues. Am I condemned to hell for being wrong about this issue? No, I don't believe that this is the case. <br /><br />I have at times held Side X, some Side Y, then Side B and now Side A convictions. I know our views of things could (and should) change as we grow as people and as our understanding of God and His word grows. <br /><br />I look at <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWPx7jJy094&t=4144s">Wesley Hill and Karen Keen </a> – who have very different views and convictions regarding same-sex relationships, and yet (at least it seems like it) they are friends and have great respect for each other. My hope for the Church is that we would be willing to listen to each other and respect each other – even when our views and opinions differ. I hope that each person would feel the freedom to personally seek God’s plan for their lives.
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